when i was just somebody's girlfriend

There was a time when I was just a girlfriend. And when I was just a girlfriend - I wanted to be a wife.

And now...I am a wife and I think it might be nice to just be someone's girlfriend - even if its just for a day. I don't want to throw away my family or my home but I would like that attention again.

I'm not a neglected wife. My husband pays a lot of attention to me and we spend plenty of time together - but its the lack of detail that sometimes gets me down.

There was something pretty special about the extra time we both took to look put together and clean and primped when we saw each other. Granted - neither of us have ever been high maintenance but I think over the years, I've become a little more focused on my appearance and he, a little less. I think that as I'm aging, I realize it just takes a bit more effort to look even a little bit better and he thinks - why bother?

He used to be a romantic. I never have been romantic - but have I beaten it out of him? I know I wouldn't be impressed with flowers sent to work (I'm much too practical - first, don't buy me cut flowers - buy me a plant; second, its a waste of money - don't waste money) but this really isn't about gifts or public adulation.

I want time. Time when its just the two of us. Yes, yes - I know about date night and such but what about when life was just about the two of us? For days at a time. There was a rhythm there between us that just isn't there anymore. Is it possible to keep that same connection when we are sharing our lives (willingly, happily) with four other beings? It probably isn't realistic.

But for a few moments, a few hours, I would love to feel like someone's girlfriend. To forget all of the history (some of it pretty ugly) between us and just be thrilled to be his girl. For it all to be that simple again...

I miss it and I wonder when and why it went away. With children? With age? With years of trouble and distrust? And how could it come back? Would I be tired of it after a little while? Would I long for the comfortable rhythm we have today?

eh - probably. When the children are gone and its just the two of us, I will probably be writing a blog about how quiet it is and how I miss cooking dinners for six people. Maybe its not a problem with our marriage, maybe its just a problem with me.