on forgiveness

My E has prepared dutifully and faithfully to receive her First Reconciliation. If God was trying to teach us a lesson about forgiveness - He has succeeded in doling out the lesson but I am trying hard not to fail the course.

At E's last class, a paper came home stating that the date for the children to take their sacrament would be the next week. One week's notice. what the? (Lesson #1) E could not attend as she had dance exams that day that had been planned for months and there was no possibility of rescheduling. We regretfully told the church she would not be able to attend that day. We were told that there would be other arrangements made and we would find out soon.

It was a choice we made and we were fine with it. Though I had to talk down that voice in my head that wanted to tell somebody they could have decided months ago what day they'd do this. Move on Nik. Let it go. And I did.

So, earlier this week, a phone call from the Sacrament coordinator told us to arrive at 4pm for reconciliation which is the usual time for our parish and have E state 'this is my first confession'. Ok. (Lesson 2)

Though I had to talk down that voice in my head that wanted to scream - isn't this supposed to be a special thing? Yet she has to stand with every other parishioner waiting for reconciliation. But - this is the choice we made by not going the week before. Its the sacrament that is important, not the celebration. Carry on.

Well - E has dance rehearsal until 4 on the nose so I annoy the dance instructors by asking them to push E out the door right as soon as she is done and they do. E, still in her costume and her makeup comes out and we head, like lightening, the three blocks to church arriving a few minutes before 4.

In the church, there is commentator training going on and Father is speaking to the choir director because mass begins at five. We kneel and pray in the back of the church, waiting for him to begin taking confessions. We are the only ones there and soon after others arrive.

Within minutes there is at least ten people waiting for confession and Father walks across the church and into the confessional. As people tend to, there is a mad rush to be the first one in and then the second and the third and finally we tell E to stand in line. I have to stifle the urge to sigh loudly and think that couldn't some of these seasoned confessors see a little girl waiting so patiently let her in first? (Lesson 3) But E stands patiently - practicing her Act of Contrition in her head. She told me 'I'm scared and nervous and excited all at the same time.' I smiled at her.

She went in and I kneeled and prayed for her while she was in there, asking God to let her feel blessed and help her through this time of growth and maturing. (Lesson 4)

She came out, sat down beside me and said that the priest had told her he would do her reconciliation after he was finished with everyone else because this was a special time. My teeth clenched. (Lesson 5) It was 4:20. Confessions stop at 4:30 because Father likes to get ready for mass. There were still six or seven people waiting for confession. I bit my lip, kneeled down and prayed for strength not to swear.

We waited and then the sacrament coordinator came up and K asked her when E would be receiving her sacrament. She looked surprised and apologized for the confusion. She spoke quietly to E explaining that she would do it a different day and E looked at her, nodded politely and tears welled up in her eyes. The coordinator took E and sat with her and apologized. We waited.

E came back with a tear stained face and we decided we would leave.
I decided on my next confession I'd better confess my desire to hurt the priest. (Lesson 6) We drove home, E wiping away tears and trying to forgive all these adults for messing up. I wiped away my own tears thinking of my little girl's hurting heart.

And upon arriving home, the phone rang. I picked it up knowing it was someone from the church. It was Father.

He told E he would hear her confession after everyone else was done. He waited for her and then found that we'd left. Then he said he originally had planned to do her at 4 but we weren't there. Yes - I told him, we were the first ones there and were seated at the back of the church. I told him: We were only doing what we'd been told.

Nonetheless, he apologized for the confusion and said he would hear her confession tomorrow morning before mass. I told him we would be there.

And I silently prayed for forgiveness. My thoughts were far from saintly - but I need to remember, they are just people after all. Its just unfortunate that a bunch of adults created such a mess for my little girl.

The final exam is going to be a doozy.