Heartbroken in the Pasture

I've been snubbed.

I raise miniature donkeys. They are the sweetest, most giving and loyal animal. The miniature donkeys are a different breed than the regular donkey. So affectionate and gentle. The reputation following donkeys that says they are stubborn and ornery and constantly kick is not justified. Probably, someone perpetuating this reputation has either never met a donkey or has met one that was treated badly. Given the respect they deserve, I would be bold enough to say their loyalty is even stronger than a horse's.

But today - I learned another donkey lesson. They can be angry and hold a grudge.

Winter's are hard for me. I hate getting outside and I often leave all the outdoor chores for my dh. He doesn't mind, takes good care of the animals - but he doesn't quite have the relationship with them that I do. My animals love me, whole heartedly and that 'no strings attached' kind of love is reciprocated back from me. When I come into the pasture, they fall over each other trying to get closest to me.

One jennet in particular is very attached to me. Ebony is the alpha of the group and she had a very special bond with her previous owner. The previous owner used to take her for walks to the neighbours and let her hang out in the garden with her. Ebony didn't take very long to get that attached to me after she came to us. We seem to connect on some different level, she and I. I will crouch down and she will come to me, lay her head on my shoulder and nuzzle into me. If the others want some affection to, she will move her body between us until finally I tell her that she has to share me.

This fall she foaled for the first time. I didn't know if she actually was in foal because we'd never had an ultrasound on her. We'd been duped the year before with a different jennet and I wasn't about to get my hopes up. But one morning as I left for work I noticed the other two donkeys and our sheep in the opposite pasture than Ebony. Its strange to see them split up like that. They will always stay in at least a pair - but with the three of them together and not in their usual location in the morning...I panicked. It could only mean something was wrong.

The sun was barely starting to come up over the horizon and it had hit that painful shade of orange-yellow. I squinted into the sun and strained to see Ebony across the yard. I wasn't sure - but it looked like there was an extra set of legs. As I ran closer - it became clear. She had foaled!!

She let me into the pasture and near her - in fact, she almost bowled me over. I could tell she was scared - almost saying "I don't know what just happened!" She nuzzled into me but was still wary of her newly born donkey foal. A striking little red baby, already standing but still wet. Even baby was comfortable with me there and I cautiously touched her, teaching her I was a safe place, letting her drink in my smell and my form.

I eventually named her Roan and she was so enamoured with me she would climb into my lap whenever I went out. No matter where I went, she would follow me. I was so loved by all of them...its just the greatest feeling.

But then I had a bad spell and couldn't walk. It didn't last much more than a week but it was enough to get me out of the daily habit of going out to spend some time with them. And then the snow came and Kirk took over the winter chores. My visits became less and less.

I haven't been out to see them for weeks. And today - they abruptly told me they were not pleased.

Ebony did come to me eventually and gave me our familiar shoulder nudge...but it took Roan quite awhile to come over. When she did we put our noses and mouths together and breathed in each other. Rubus - the young gelding who is usually such a mama's boy, cuddling with me - wouldn't pay any attention to me. Shadow - the oldest, a quiet jennet rather timid but very loyal - looked at me as if to say : what did you expect exactly? Frosty the sheep - she couldn't help herself finally and got a few head rubbings in.

I left feeling so heartbroken. I'd hurt them. I'd truly hurt them by ignoring them and they were angry. At the same time, I am in awe. How brilliant they are. They are completely right. I do not deserve to be fawned over right now. I need to build up their trust again and then not break it. They have every right to be so cold.

I left the pasture today with an air of stubborn determination (maybe I am really learning from my donkey friends). I will come back every day. I will not accept this as defeat. If they want to be standoffish and cold - they can go ahead and try. I know their hearts... and they will not be able to hold off very long. I will come back everyday for a week if I have to and be snubbed - but I have no doubt that after a few days, they won't be able to help themselves and as I am sweeping out their shelter or piling hay over the fence, I will feel a nudge to my back and a gentle rub on my shoulder because *that* is the heart of a donkey.