nervous wreck

Tomorrow afternoon, I will hang my paintings at our local college. They'll be on display for the month of March. I'm sick.

I do think its a good thing, that there may be people who see them that will understand them and be moved by them and unfortunately, they might see their own experiences in them - but I am such a private person and this is so not private.

Somehow the safety of the anonymity of the internet makes it not as difficult - though it was not easy to share them here either - and I'm much more used to expressing myself through words. This momentary foray into painting was never intended to be shared. But here I go.

K is currently mounting hangers on the back of my paintings and they are displayed along the edge of our family room. ack.

I am reminding myself that I am doing this to honour my son. I am not able to attend his hockey games or go into his classroom or to cuddle up in a chair with him - but I am able to let people know that he existed. He was mine and he taught me lessons I didn't want to learn but I don't ever regret knowing him.

And so - even though I'm a bit sick to my stomach - I will jump.